“The relationship between commitment and doubt is by no means an antagonistic one. Commitment is healthiest when it’s not without doubt but in spite of doubt.” Rollo May

Isn’t that a great way of looking at things. Does it pop out at you like it does at me?

Rollo May’s quote literally jumped off the page at me this morning. Provoked an instant triple reaction: solar plexus – bumphh whizz!, brain – thank you! Yay!! heart – melt, weep, gratitude.

Let me explain: you know that thing where you’ve been going over something in your mind for hours and then validation of the conclusion you’ve reached comes and pops you on the nose? It was that.

I’ve written about the need for recognition, validation of what we do. Recognition reinforces my decisions, boosts my confidence and gives me the little push I need to go to the next stage.

What I’ve noticed of late is that I’m starting to have an autonomous firmer conviction deep inside, of what is right for me.

It ties in too with a notion I’ve had about the fight to allow time for creativity, it’s a visualisation really: instead of trying to make myself be creative, to constantly do battle to allow time, to find space for creation, instead of that, I simply acknowledge that my creator (the me who creates) is the real me, and allow that me to be first. Not easy, but powerful. At least, it hits the spot for me right now.

Effective? Don’t know yet, I’ll let you know.

And so,

I’ve been experimenting of late, trying out new ways of using my camera, creating abstract images, impressions; playing too with words, creating something which I am almost able to call poetry. This work, tentative though it is, appeals to some aesthetic value I’m as yet unable to name. I’m glad of it, secretly proud of it. (Is any of this resonating for you, does it remind you of your growing, of your secret longings?)

And hardly anyone has noticed. With a couple of important exceptions no one has fed my need for recognition. And I’ve noticed that.

Shall I retreat, ashamed, mortified, eyes fixed on the floor, feeling foolish, flushed red, run, escape, then, relieved, press my back against the solid wall of ‘safety’?

Or carry my doubt carefully in my cupped hands, interwoven lovingly with my commitment to being first and foremost a creative being?

What do you think? What would you do? What will you do?

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We all create every day, they say.
It’s true: we do. You do.
And yet: there’s more.
I’ve heard it, felt it, sung it, seen it.
It’s art in small letters, it’s art with a heart, it’s art for a change.
It’s not Art with a capital ‘A’, for all its splendour. It’s not about years’ of learning, of end of year shows, of constant rewrites and critical reviews.
No, it’s just imagine this:
Open your throat, take a breath, fill your lungs with the possibilities and create your body’s note, your soul’s song.
Take a pen, a brush and make your mark, let this simple tool act as a conduit for what you’re holding in. Channel your being through the subtle movements of shoulder, arm, wrist, hand and fingers.
Lift a lens to your eye and look at your world afresh; get in close, draw away.
It’s for fun, for freedom, for fantasy, for finding you, for uncovering that which you know is there.
It’s creating, it’s art for a change.

The image is part of some experimental photography I’m doing. By deliberately changing the focus, so that the image is blurred, I’m finding a different way of seeing and a new way to express myself using my camera.

(With thanks to my writing mentor Joanna Paterson who gives me validation, support and much more besides.)

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“When all things are equal, translucence in writing is more effective than transparency, just as glow is more revealing than glare.” James Thurber

What lovely words to find as I prepare to set off for Cambo House, and Joanna Paterson’s writing retreat!

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